Homecoming of the gods Page 27
The way I saw it was no different. Pac had too much mystique that twenty-five years could hardly exhaust it. Two decades later, those of us that shared in those sentiments were proved right. The man is here as if he never left—because he never really left.
# # #
Into the night, the crowd dispersed and Black was left to himself. He had not gone home in a while now. His recent nights had been spent in his shop.
Despite the weed and the wine, Black still saw everything there were to see in full shades—from the rapper’s quotes to his wallpapers. Some of the rapper’s more penetrating and unsettling lyrics about death flashed across his mind in fast swishes. ‘I hope they bury me and send me to my rest…headlines reading Murdered to Death…hoping I die the way I lived…. Nobody cries when we die…, we both got to die but you chose to go before me.’
At the end of the day, life would have to go on for those he left behind.
It felt like dark impenetrable shadows had been cast over his world. It was so dark, so cold and so terrible. He was cursed after all. That was the only explanation.
He felt alone. That voice that he had made his own had been drowned by the sound of seven gunshots. He felt betrayed by the rapper and angry with him. If only he had known that his life was not his alone but Black’s too maybe, he would not have courted death mindlessly like he had. But very much like his other sins, he decided to forgive him instead.
As to the girl, he could not even trust what he felt towards her. Maybe it was all a dream after all; a dream that now left him with a sleepy head over reality.
Shall a man dream his dreams and have them?
It was very hard for him, but Black decided to let all about the girl pass into ‘reality’. He could not now lose everything. He had to let her go. That was the only way he could redeem himself. Or so he thought.
He had to steel his mind for what was left of life for him. He would have to take it the way it was handed to him. Dreams of the Mercedes 300 and a satellite television, and of course, a pilgrimage to LA, would have to replace those of Borûn.
# # #
Saturday evening, a grey Mercedes 300 carrying a woman drove into town. Madam Békhtèn did not have any premonition of what awaited her at home. She was rather preoccupied with the news that she had for her daughter, courtesy of the admission board. Ūö would not be going to university, to study law. According to the admission board, she did not make the cut. She would have to choose another course of study, one that was ‘lesser’—in the eyes of the public and certainly in her own eyes and in Ūö’s eyes as well—than law. Or wait till next year.
She knew more than anyone else what the news would mean to her daughter and how she would react to it. It would break her confidence. She was not sure that she could see any other thing in the news apart from failure. It would affect her self-vision. She may never again find that original confidence that told her that she belonged to the best. She may not see in it a challenge to that vision. It would take an experienced person to see a challenge in that and her daughter was still learning how to walk if not crawl.
Madam Békhtèn knew she had to find a way around the news. Daniel was not even anywhere in her thoughts that evening. In fact, she was sure he was not any good, certainly not anything better than the other boys.
She was getting too old for certain things. She was no longer a kid for God’s sake. Some nonsense were rather outgrown. God knows that it was high time she accepted certain things that she could not change. In the end, none of them had proved to be worth the fantasy and the promise of adventure that gave birth to her pursuit of them or the stress and the risks they came with. There could be some beauty in growing old, beauty if not pride. All she had to do was find that beauty and accept it. Even if not for anything, for her daughter Ūö. She was the only thing she had left for the future.
These were the profound thoughts that occupied her mind as she made her way into the town. It was not the first time she was having those thoughts. After each failed attempt at fulfilling her fantasies, she would flagellate herself and curse her stupidity. But in time, she would slip back to them.
The reality for her was that she never hoped for any real relationship out of those flings. She would be too naïve for that. Therefore, she confined herself to the offerings they made her vanities.
However, the thought of letting go of her vanities petrified her. She was not sure she could take it. They were the only vitality in her world. They indeed held promise while they lasted. But how much promise was there to them after all? How much had she taken for granted?
As the car finally entered the gates of her home, she did feel in a hushed tone that the answers to those questions were not so far away.
Chapter Fourteen: In A Nurse’s Gown
By Sunday evening, Zach had picked up a little strength to be able to stand. Between the last time and that Sunday evening, he had had two more nightmares both of which had shaken him both mentally and emotionally. Nurse B was still sulking on him but she was now least of his troubles.
His sight was still giddy and his head still heavy. He had slimmed down by a ton. His cheeks had all disappeared. He could not remember using the toilet in days.
What was inside was worse. Inside, he was filled with bitterness to the nth degree. A little hole had been punched into the centre of his being and from it dripped what tasted like despair. He was sure that his wife had died, as had their child. He was sure that everything he held dear to heart was now lost. He was no longer even sure of his sanity. He felt betrayed and used. He felt so alone now, unlike he’d ever felt in all his life. He had only one person to blame: God. He had trusted him with every tiny itty-bitty of his life and now he was left with shattered pieces of them.
A thought breezed through Zach’s mind in that instant, a thought that belonged to Thaddy, a thought that he had never ever had without guilt: What if there were no God after all? Now he felt that thought without the usual guilt. It was not totally Thaddy’s thought for it had sprouted out of a different soil. It was his despair speaking.
He did catch that thought though. If that were true, then he too would show the world that he loved life too. That was his own modest assessment of it.
Maybe he should not have taken all of that seriously. Maybe he was too simple after all, very much like Thaddy had judged of him. What was he even saying that day at the tavern? He strained his mind to remember but it was all vague except the reference to his being simple. Maybe Thaddy was right on that and on every other thing. If he were, a lot of things would change with it.
Mixed with this unusual feeling, (one which I am sure would be hard for my readers to understand except by those who have experienced it once in their lives, for an extended period of time), were those of spite and anger at the hunter for abandoning him, at the nurse for misunderstanding him, at Kuniā for betraying him and of course, at himself for being so ‘simple’. He was too much of a do-gooder when he should have been too much of a…. Zach had no room for any other thought. If such thoughts, more favourable ones attended him, he certainly did not entertain them.
Zach was determined to leave the town the next day—he loved life too. He was done. It would be a drastic departure as well as a spiteful one.
The nurse walked in, interrupting his thoughts for a minute. ‘How are you doing?’
‘I’m leaving tomorrow. I can see it pleases you.’
‘It sure does.’
‘You wouldn’t want a lunatic in your clinic.’ Zach tried to get across the sarcasm as he did his point.
‘You’ve made your point. Do you still believe that Lazarus was actually risen from the dead by Christ?’
‘Well, you may mock me as much as you can. After tomorrow, you wouldn’t have the chance again.’
‘Great news indeed. Your wife, I believe would be concerned that maybe you have run away with another woman. And I don’t want to be that woman.’
That stung Zach at heart but he waived the thought. He had no s
trength with which to contest it.
It was an excellent decision for what came next changed everything for him. If he had reacted according to his despair, he would have missed the chance.
Zach could have made her swallow her words but he instead took it all back. ‘I will still need a little help if you can spare it.’
‘Of course you will. If it is your transport fare, I can spare that. I wouldn’t want them calling my name when it comes to the post-mortem. But first things first, the mayor’s daughter sent for me. She says the mayor had a mild heart attack last night. They have sent for his doctor but she wants me to stabilize him for the mean time.’
Zach jumped at it. It was his chance to see the mayor. He was surprised at his own enthusiasm. He thought he had lost it all. He still believed that a piece that would complete the puzzle would come out of it.
‘Take me with you, please. I need to see the mayor!’
‘No, I can’t. You are going to make a scene.’
But Zach begged and begged till the Nurse, more from tender feelings than any good sense had acquiesced.
‘I have a question to ask him then I swear upon Pûjó’s grave that I would leave tomorrow. And besides, I will need a nurse’s gown.’
‘What?’ Nurse B was sure that he was in one of his usual deliriums.
‘Please, you have to let me do this!’
# # #
Nurse B felt insane for the first time in her life. What was she doing accepting to take Zach with him?
Her assessment of him was that he was homesick or anything like that. But she needed him off that town. He did not belong to such a place.
It was not that she did not trust him again. But why should she? Why should she trust anyone?
If he was self-destructing, then she had to ease her hands off him.
As to the nurse’s gown that he had requested, it was insane that she had agreed to give him. They had no male nurses. It had to be more than insane for her to agree to give him that of a lady.
# # #
It was also the only assurance that Zach needed to know that he still had some credibility and that he was not yet a total lunatic.
He had explained to her the rationale behind the request. ‘They would not let me anywhere near the mayor, not even a thousand leagues, not in my own skin. I know it’s insane but do it for the sake of the past.’
‘What past?’
‘The past when I had not turned insane.’
‘What do you want to accomplish?’
‘It no longer matters to you, does it?’
Nurse B was not sure it did.
‘Why the gown?’
‘It’s been said. I want some disguise or else I would ruin the only chance I have.’
# # #
It had taken her a quarter of an hour for her to come to a compromise over the request.
While she did, Zach did not feel his usual anxiety. It no longer mattered if he got the chance or not. It was no longer on him. He was enthusiastic but not anxious. He could learn things and he was sure he would, but it may not mean much after all.
‘Why not I insist on my authority?’ Nurse B had protested.
‘That they allow me?’
‘Yes.’
‘My own idea may be insane but this one is far more insane than mine.’ Zach then went on to display his disinterestedness. ‘Mind you, I’m more or less curios not anxious. I’ve made myself clear on why I want to see the mayor and why I need the gown. I can’t stress it any longer. It’s on you now.’
Nurse B then returned and placed a white dress on the bed for him. ‘Five minutes.’
Chapter Fifteen: He Came To Pass
It took Zach ten minutes to put himself into the gown. He was dirty, very dirty but he had nothing to it, at least not while he placed himself in the new clothes. Now they were out of the way, he smelt less than dirty.
As he did, he shook off the giddiness and steeled his mind for one last adventure. He had not seen his face as there were no mirrors for that but it did feel funny and it certainly would look funny to any that saw him. But they had some shield in the night that had now fully come.
It was a risk that may not be worth it at the end. They could catch him. But hey, what did it matter? All to his curiosity. Let them have it if they could.
They started the walk to the mayor’s place in a minute. Nurse B kept at a distance ahead of him.
Nothing happened on the way to the mayor’s. No one seemed to notice them. There were no one to notice them all the same. The streets were deserted as all roads now led to the mayor’s.
They arrived to the now ever-open gates. A larger crowd was gathered outside. In the yard, the normal, lights lit up the centre of the circle from where the boy now addressed them and did his tricks.
# # #
Zach followed the nurse past the crowd though he had his attention on the crowd and their centre of attraction. He was not sure how long he had his eyes on the crowd but on a head turn, the nurse was no longer in sight.
What is happening? was the question that came to mind. Was he in another nightmare? Or was he having another hallucination?
He gathered himself together and continued to the door to the house. Two guards, posted by Hééb stood guarding it. It was off bounds for ‘guests’.
‘I’m with the nurse,’ Zach pointed out at the door. He could have used a woman’s voice.
The light over them was dim and so they could not quite see. One of them made to look for a torch and Zach backed away with quick steps.
He was done for the night. He had ruined his chance.
What did not cause him anxious concern quarter an hour before suddenly sent him into a frenzy of disquiet. The heaviness of his head and the giddiness of his sight meant that he walked with a slight stagger.
He made for the back door. The road that led to the backyard was separated from the front yard with a gauze fence with high wire gates. It was locked. Zach thought of climbing it but it appeared impassable and a number of people hunkered around.
He returned to the front door with guards and watched them from a safe distance. Time slipped into time with the sluggishness of the dawn. It could have been a minute and it could have been an hour. But someone walked to the door from the other side. It was a boy. He had seen the boy before. It was the same boy who had opened the gates to him in the absence of Hééb.
Zach waited until the boy had left the veranda area before catching up. He needn’t too much talk for the boy recognised him from the time he lived with them and gave him the break.
# # #
Zach stepped in and closed the door behind him. He still had the nurse’s gown on. But all of that faded away into what followed in that room. They were in the man’s own bedroom. It was the cosiest room Zach had ever seen in his life.
The mayor lay still on the bed. It was the same boy who had shown Zach the way to the room that had shown Nurse B.
The mayor, however, wouldn’t let the nurse attend to him. He was fine, he insisted. They had sent for his doctor. He will be here tomorrow. ‘I’ll wait it out.’
‘You,’ he called out to Zach. ‘What is your name again?’
Zach reminded him.
‘How is my daughter doing?’
‘He’s fine sir.’ Zach saw the comfort in that. Apparently, the man had not seen her in days.
The Nurse now stood and watched on, still bent on performing her duty.
‘I’ve tried to tell her over and over again that he’s not my son. Not the Ekeó that I raised as my own sons. But she doesn’t believe me. She has fallen to their snare like all this others.’
‘Who?’ Zach wanted to be sure.
‘The one they are all worshiping out there now. I tried to speak to Kuniā but she wouldn’t listen a bit.’
There was a moment of silence in which the other two cleared their minds so as not to miss what was to follow.
‘It’s not going to make any difference, will it?’
‘I certainly do not! He’s not my son! My son died a long time ago.’
The two others listened.
‘You see, they managed to place me in this room. I’ve not seen the skies for two days straight. I’m scared.’
‘But you are sick!’
‘I am not sick! Do not question my intelligence. I may be a sick old man. But not a dead one. At least, until they kill me.’
‘Who are they?’
‘The same people that took my wife and my two sons.’
They still did not understand so they allowed the mayor to continue.
‘That boy is not my son. I knew that after the first few days. I know my sons. I raised them myself. Ekeó never had the nerve for certain things, certainly not for all that I have heard lately. I didn’t want to lose those boys. They were all I had. I knew they both had special destinies but you cannot tell that to kids enough. His brother lost the battle. He proved that men indeed had the power of choice. For that, I honour his memory. Though his sister has not told me yet, I know he took his own life. He would never have given it up. There is no father who wouldn’t have prided himself in such a son. You understand that?’
They did this time.
‘You know we are not always the owners of our lives. Not all that we have is ever really ours. A man must learn to live for others, for his own people, for the universe.’
They both agreed.
Zach did not need the man to divert so much from what he’d wanted to tell them. But in that instant, something caught Zach’s eyes. It was the framed photo of the woman he’d been seeing in his nightmare. The picture was placed at the foot of the bed. She wore a black scarf and black beads—exactly as he had seen in his nightmare.
‘I have seen this woman before.’ He pointed out in a raise-the-alarm voice.
‘Don’t be silly. That is my wife. You cannot have seen her. She died a long time ago.’
‘But I have seen her—in my nightmares.’
Nurse B winked. Was he hallucinating again? Good heavens.